Dating Philosophy ISU

"I don't break up. I trade up."

High Class ISU

"'One-night stands' are for sad little people who meet in Atlantic City casinos or Midwestern hotels. 'Hooking up' is what drunken sorority girls do after their spring formals. We have affairs. Fabulous, sexy, spontaneous affairs."

Excuses ISU

"I couldn't parallel park today! Must be because I'm on my period."

XXX Bus Ride ISU

"Dear hipster asshole - if your junk is going to be in my face while I'm riding the bus, please wear pants that don't make it appear as though you have an animal fighting to get out of them."

Rut ISU

"I miss sex on the regular"

Inappropriate Yelp Review. There's no such thing as a free lunch...or dinner...or dessert

I was informed by Yelp that I should not write a review if I:

1) receive freebies for writing a review or
2) if I am connected in any way to the owners or employees

Well.

I may or may not have had hot sex with the owner on occasion, but I am a paying customer. And to be clear I pay him for food not sex. There is no money paid for sex. Or perhaps I am paying for dessert. But really….REALLY…isn’t that something Yelpers want to know about? Where they can get delicious food….with a little something extra? A little more bang (pun intended) for their buck? These are the things I want to know in life.

Oh - and the food is good, too. I give it 4 stars. The 5th is contingent upon the outcome of my next...um...meal.

Discoveries ISU

"I've discovered cup o' noodles later in life. Maybe I'll also discover weed later in life..."

Jewish Singles Night Part One

"Brazenly hit on gay Brett Favre lookalike at Jewish Singles Night."

Cutting Loose

Anonymous: "I need to drink and do something stupid"

Anonymous: "Ahh, the mating call of a Midwestern girl."

Running into ex ISU

"I need to start doing laundry on Saturday instead of Sunday so I stop running into people I've slept with"

Going out ISU

My "fuck me heels" are already saying "fuck you" to my feet.